I was awakened by a sudden smell of a food early morning around 6:30 and I could not fall back to sleep. Not that the smell was good enough, but the strong smell did not please my breathing and coherent sleep. The day has been overwhelming, the first Sunday of the month of June. I sort myself out of bed, took a shower and cleaned the house. I wrote for a little bit and registered my first book through the library of congress (GRACE HAS FOUND WAR). I got all the information I needed to send to the graphic designer for the cover of my book. After, I went grocery shopping, got to the kitchen and made rice and beans with collard green stew (vegetarian style) for dinner. I dressed up in my gym clothes, drove to the gym, burned some calories and improved some muscle strength ability. We came home, dinner was palatable “and so were his remarks”. The night routines were done, and it was time for reading but instead I chose to browse the internet and see the latest naked famous ladies on Instagram. I realized how much I was being brainwashed by social media, when I used to be a model, exposing myself was “actually” getting out there. Of course, I find pleasure in finding my myself attractive, I want some little skin revealed sometimes. I am woman, excuse my French but I love my body. Then I felt disappointed seeing these beautiful women, getting injections just to look more attractive, and revealing almost everything. I asked myself, like damn where is the culture? Where is the respect? Where is the dignity? I could have been any of these women on Instagram posing for the gram and trying to get followers. I am not saying loving yourself is a wrong thing but revealing your body to the world is definitely not pleasing to the eye or anything educational. And when I say nude I mean nude, not a bikini but the bikini with thongs. I shook my head in discernment, grabbed a pen and started reminiscing about how it takes little courage to respect ourselves as women. I could not think of anything to write but to feel appreciated learning the harder way of self-respect and not self-acquaintance. Usually by 10:00 I would be dreaming. That night, I turned off my cell phone, and made some good loving. Oh yes, the sex was sensational and breathtaking, I almost forgot I had work the next day. I pray that every day I would wake up next to the same man when we are still young and when we older. Every day as the day goes by, I am loving him more and more, and the experience from my last relationship couldn’t have been any better. I am glad I moved to Maryland. In every worst situation comes a blessing but it is not just fruitful, you got to put in the work to make that relationship different and better than your last one.
THE EYES NEVER LIE, AND REALIZATION IS SELF AWARENESS.
Written by RUBY KARYO