I sit here in my little office and I picture myself in a place where God can only take me. At this point in my life, I am grateful for all the things I have experienced in my life, it being good or bad. I remember the days when I used to live in California, when I thought I had the perfect life, and everything was just going great. My film crew, my sister friends and my career. My dream home was to be where my dreams were, a place that reminded me I could do better. I guess at some point, I thought California was everything I wanted, but at the same time, I felt too comfortable with my dreams because I was in the center of it all. I was young but very determined, I knew what I wanted in my life and nothing was going to stop me but myself. I loved living in Los Angeles, everyone does at a certain point.
Then one day I decided to move to another state for the person I’d thought was the one for me, but everything did not turn out the way it should have. I did not really know him as I thought I did. Things ended up in a very big dramatic way. No matter where I ended up, there is always something I take with me, a lesson and a bigger dream that wakes me up to want to do more. I wake up hungry, I cry because I am infuriated, I am not exactly where I am supposed to be. I am mad because I want it so bad no one can understand. Every pain I have endured in the past, every tear, every hardship, every struggle, every disappointment and failure had only brought me thus far. Fear was weakest intimidation, it made me do the things I wouldn’t have because I have doubted God. I have doubted him a thousand times, but he never doubted me.
This picture of me and my son took me places in my head, I was just after the disaster. We then finally found our self a place to lay our heads together with Grandma Doreen. This smile was just for the camera; smile, cheers. In my heart and mind, all I wanted was peace and tranquility. I had lost all my baby weight, and I was seeking mental and physical therapy at YWCA. This is where my life had taken us, my son.
It was he, my son that spoke unto me in my struggles, a language only a mother could understand.
It was a good smile for the camera, there was more to the eyes than just the picture
I hear the voice of the Lord; I am not done with you Ruby, it is not over, and we are in it together. When I wake up, I think about the next move, my goals and what am I accomplishing? How many inspirational podcasts I have listened to? Who are the people I am surrounded around? At this stage in my life, it’s all but positivity. I look up to a part time job I like, I write from home and I am a student aspiring to be a film director. I have an adorable son and a very influential person in my life. He inspires me to be greatest that I am, and he is family above everything. I wake up to the most important people in my life, and I am grateful for such a beautiful universe. Life is beautiful and it surely can be, never lose hope. Look at us now, every smile is real and straight from the heart. Do not the the turbulences in life depict your true happiness. Nothing is permanent, it shall always pass.